Things are hotting up.....

Summer is nearly here again (well that's what the calendar says, although the weather can't seem to make it's mind up!) and time has slipped effortlessly by.  So much so that I haven't written since last year and thought it was about time I did an update on observations of life here in Mallorca.

So first, the weather.  It's been a bit, well...... embarrassing lately what with the UK having some lovely days whilst here it's been grey, overcast and wet.  I mean who ever heard of a sunny and hot May bank holiday in the UK, never mind two?!  The locals though say that summer starts on May 40th.  Go on, think about it a bit........are you there yet?  They mean 9th or 10th June depending on how pedantic you want to be.  So Sunday is what I'm pinning my hopes on although currently there's a storm forecast......

We've been living here now for 22 months so here are some more observations on life in Mallorca:

•  If you're having an argument whilst driving - and let's face it who doesn't whilst trying to navigate to holiday accommodation in an unfamiliar car on the other side of the road with signage in another language after getting up at 2am for the red eye flight (not that this has ever happened to us...) - you could have your day enhanced by a fine of 80€.  The same amount will be applied if the driver is kissing a passenger - not something likely to happen in the above scenario 'tis true.  It will also apply if the driver is caught biting their nails which will only happen if the driver doesn't go where the navigator tells them..........!  And finally, using insulting hand gestures.  It's a good job this doesn't appear to apply to the navigator aimed at the driver but this will only happen if the driver doesn't go.......
• Another driving fine is driving without wearing a shirt.  Apparently this could diminish the driver's capacity to control the vehicle.  I would imagine this could only apply if the guilty party was female but it wouldn't be her car that wasn't properly controlled.....
• I think I've mentioned it before, but many toilets in cafes have a push button switch or movement sensor.  Beware, for this is a cruel joke on behalf of all cafe proprietors.  I was, shall we say, 'using the facilities' of a certain large cafe in the square here in PP and had been faced with a choice of a toilet that made an aircraft one look like an opportunity to practice a spot of freestyle dance, and one that, with a bit of luck and if a well behaved equine was to hand, was large enough to lunge a small pony in. Being close to 6' tall and not yet having mastered the ability to wee standing up facing in either direction, I not unreasonably opted for the large one.  Good choice.  Until about 15 seconds into the action when the light went out plunging me into total darkness.  Waving my arms in the air like I just didn't care wasn't going to help me as this was a push button switch and was about 15 foot away from me.  And I couldn't remember where exactly, just vaguely somewhere over to my right.  An added complication was that I hadn't properly located the loo roll either, just that there was one (there isn't always!).  Naturally it was necessary to finish what I started - cut me some slack, I've had 4 children! - and then to ponder my next move.  Which turned out to be - clutch your trousers so they don't hit the toilet floor (yuk!) at lower thigh level and scuttle in the general direction of the door hoping that you don't knock yourself out on it, also that you locked it properly in case someone reveals you in all you glory.  Still clutching said trousers with one hand, I felt around in the pitch darkness for the switch.  This took some time as the b*****ds turned out to have placed it at an unreasonably low level and about 4 foot away from the door.  I'm going to send this in to the Crystal Maze as a suggested task.  God help the team member who volunteers for it.
• Lidl is not a reliable provider of baked beans.  There, I've said it.  Out and proud.  We do still like baked beans and until last winter you could buy perfectly good ones at Lidl.  And then they stopped.  No apology, nothing.  So we turned to Eroski, a bit more expensive but of the 57 variety and we know how to live the high life.  And then, they disappeared off the shelves and have never returned.  Is this as punishment for Brexit perhaps?  We have now found how to get them but it's through a secret source so if I told you I'd have to kill you. Normal service has been resumed.
• Boats.  Lovely to be on.  Not lovely to own.  They say the best part about having a boat is when you buy it and when you sell it.  We can definitely confirm this to be the case.  We love ours but it's a constant source of worry mostly due to the weather but not exclusively.  The other day some thieving ******* decided they liked the look of our boat's brand new canopy and just unbolted and took it!  Mind you, going out on ours is a luxury that we never become complacent about and seeing this beautiful island's coast from the sea is just wonderful.  
  
  But boats are definitely a constant worry.  Even in the wee small hours of today three (so the reports say) boats caught fire in the marina.  This morning there are a few twisted bits of metal poking above the water and charred and blackened bits of boat all over the place with an overwhelming smell of fuel which is also all over the water.  Appalling for the owners and ecologically too.  All I can say is, good luck to the owners with their insurance claims - we have a boat claim (don't ask....no really, don't ask) in since September and it's still dragging on.  Insurance companies here are infamous for simply preferring that you would just go away and forget that your accident ever happened.  

In other news, I now do a radio show on Saturdays 1-3pm (12-2pm UK time).  From Nov to March I do the 3 hour Graham & Sarah Saturday Show with - you've guessed it! - Graham, but his work in the summer season means he's not available.  So I'm currently doing a shorter show solo.  If you've not heard of English Radio Pollensa then listen in on 107.9FM if you're in the wider Pollensa area or listen here:

http://vega.egostreaming.com/tunein/xmutfkis.asx
Or here for apple devices: 
http://eu.cdn.egostreaming.com/tunein/xmutfkis.pls
Or here for Android: 
http://m.app-egostreaming.com/mobile-ices.php…
Or here via the website: http://www.englishradiopollensa.com/listen.html

We have a Facebook page - look for "Graham and Sarah Saturday Show" and give us a like and/or follow and tune in.  It'd be great to have you along and you might win our weekly competition prize!  And if you want a request just let me know.  

Hasta luego!  I pinkie promise I won't leave it so long next time 😎

Things we have learned about life in Spain....

So, as we approach our second Christmas living in Mallorca, it seemed a good time to reflect on what have we learned about life here so far:

• Banks here still have local staff who get to know you as an actual person which is so much nicer than the sadly impersonal approach now so prevalent in the UK
• The weather here may be warmer in winter but most of the housing certainly is not!  You don't know cold until you've done the freezing dash to the loo in the middle of the night and my goodness that cold loo seat is daunting......
• Tapas are a thing of joy and beauty and when one appears on the table alongside your lovely big (and brilliant value) glass of wine, it's hard not to feel that the Spanish have definitely got the right idea.
• Gird your loins if you're going to engage in any way with the dreaded Endesa (electricity supplier) - you need the stamina of an Olympic marathon runner and the temperament of a UN diplomat.  You have been warned!
• Speed limits are apparently an indication of a minimum rather than a maximum limit.  This is made very clear by a car tailgating and then hurtling past in disgust at your evident inability to drive properly.
• Mosquitoes are at their worst in June and October as it's breeding time during those months.  Lots of remedies help but eventually your body seems to adapt and they don't bother you so much.  Mind you, some friends would disagree....
• Spanish lessons provided at nominal cost by the town hall are worth every penny and you have the added bonus of making lots of new friends too, as I've happily discovered.
• Police here look, on the whole, like film extras from Miami Vice.  I think it's the shades and chiselled jaws that do it.  I must say I haven't ever noticed this trait in UK police!  I haven't seen many female police officers here but the ones I have looked like a stand in for Angelina Jolie in Lara Croft mode.  Happy days all round whatever your inclination.
• The pavement that looks like a bar of chocolate (loads of small squares) is very slippery when wet, especially when wearing certain trainers.  Trust me, walking like a duck when all kitted up for the gym is not a great look.
• The non-electrical item that isn't sold by any of the Chinese shops hasn't yet been invented.  Fact.
• You know you're living in a hot climate when you put the air-con on at 26 degrees and it feels FREEZING. 
• The entertainment value to be had from a UK satnav pronouncing the names of Mallorquin streets/towns and insisting that the MA13 motorway is Massachusetts 13 should never be underestimated.
• Nearly every month contains a bank holiday/saints day which has to celebrated involving food, drink, family, music - the Spanish definitely know how to partaaaay!!!
• Cafe/restaurant toilets here very often work on a push button or PIR basis. The push button is usually set for 10 seconds plunging you into darkness mid flow.  Cue much fumbling to find the switch to re-press it.  Awkward.  The same can be said about the PIR which works by turning on the light by your movement as you enter.  Now I don't know about you but I'm not a great fidget whilst using the loo so, yes, back into darkness we go!  It is then a matter of waving your hands around in the air, like you just don't care........
• Next and M&S deliver to Mallorca - 'nuf said!
• Eroski sells Typhoo/PG Tips tea bags and Heinz baked beans.  This makes me very happy.  Sorry, not sorry.

In other news, I now co-host a radio show on English Radio Pollensa 107.9 FM on Saturdays between 1-4 (12-3 UK time) or go to the website www.englishradiopollensa.com and listen to The Graham & Sarah Saturday Show from there.  Happy to play any requests.  Life out here certainly seems to be offering some wonderful and unexpected opportunities so once a week I get the chance to indulge in my love of music and have great fun too.  Just waiting for the call from the BBC now.......

Not saying it's been easy, not saying it's perfect but - we love living here.  And here is home :-)

Ian and I (plus dogs Tally and Alfie) wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a healthy and happy New Year.  Hasta 2018!!!

Spanish life after one year :-D

So we made it.  We have passed the one year mark as permanent residents of Puerto Pollensa.  And what a year it's been!  We've variously bought a boat (actually two now...), experienced the Spanish NHS, moved to a different apartment, survived a ragingly hot summer and learned more about how to deal with Spanish plumbing systems than is probably normal at our age but hey ho.

In early September I returned to the UK for 5 days to see family.  It was an interesting exercise as I felt like I was going on holiday and certainly had a lovely time in weather that wasn't too bad all things considered.  Whilst there I compiled a little list of "Things I Like About Living in the UK" which is as follows:

1) No frizzy hair.

2) Marks & Spencer (I mean, it's not just underwear - it's M&S underwear).

3) Tailgating is the exception to the rule as opposed to the norm.

4) You never get parallel parked in so tightly that you actually cannot move your car.

5) Did I mention no frizzy hair?

6) Snuggling under a duvet which I haven't done since about mid May.

7) Understanding everything with zero effort (although in my defence Catalan is the local language as opposed to Castellano so cut me some slack here).

8) Fast internet/wifi, my god I'd forgotten how a good service makes using the internet a thing of joy and beauty (not to mention no stressy husband measuring the near death internet speed and registering a complaint to Movistar for the eleventy thousandth time).

9) Tesco Finest meal deals

10) Proper English breakfast tea in all cafes etc

11) Not sure if I mentioned it but my hair didn't frizz.

12) Historical properties/gardens etc - just a personal thing but I love a wander round a stately home/historic property/garden with a guidebook just soaking up the history, there's far less opportunity here in Mallorca.

13) Fried halloumi - delicious and quite the thing in the UK now it seems.

14) Most(ish) people scoop their dog's poop.

15) Sky TV packages.

However, despite all the above I still looked forward to coming home and home is now here 😊  The UK felt familiar and actually very nice and very comfortable but the only way I can describe it is that for me it is no longer enough.  That is not knocking the UK in any way, just a personal view.  So it seems we have successfully made the transition although Ian has yet to visit to UK so it will be interesting to see if he also feels that sense of 'home' when he gets on a flight back here.  

In other news.....we have acquired another boat.  For it seems that size does indeed matter 😉  Both in length, width and ahem! power.  We will sell the first one in due course but in the meantime the new acquisition is keeping Ian out of mischief.  Which is nice.

We have met so many lovely people since moving out here. Some live here, some visit a few times a year and some are here so often it almost feels like they live here.  And some we already knew but have had the opportunity to get to know better since we moved here.  So we have widened our horizons in more ways than just geographical - and it's been a blast.

Here's to our second year here being as successful, although perhaps a little less exhausting, than our first - salud! 🍻

Let's party aka vamos a la fiesta!!

Soooooo.......you'll be relieved to know that we did in fact survive La Patrona, more commonly known as Moors & Christians.  This is celebrated in a few parts of not only Mallorca but also the mainland.  However in Pollensa it is 2nd August.

For a number of days beforehand, families fly a black and red squared flag from their balconies and houses.  This is the flag of Pollensa town and represents the Christians.  Some also fly a yellow flag with a white crescent moon and star on - this is the Moorish flag.  We wanted to join in and discovered that there is an old-fashioned haberdashers in Pollensa which sells not only these but the costumes for the festival.  On entering it was like we'd travelled back in time and I half expected a Mallorquin Mrs Slocombe to emerge and ask if we were being served (¿te están sirviendo? for the linguists amongst you, although don't ask me what it would be in Mallorquin!).  There were wonderfully colourful Moors costumes all hanging up in readiness and a lady was pinning the hem of a simple white cotton shift dress being worn by a young woman.  The Pollensa townsfolk wear white and the women all wear pretty much the same simple shift dress.  The shop also sold the espadrilles for the event - the Moors wear ones of all possible colours, the Christians wear white ones.  All of them have sort of ribbons to lace up the leg in the manner of a ballet dancer.  This is apparently because a normal espadrille would be likely to just come off in the melee.  This was an indication of the mayhem to come.  In any event, we bought our two flags and flew them proudly from our balcony.  When in Rome (or indeed Pollensa) and all that.

The actual event is chaotic, hot, noisy, messy and completely devoid of any concerns about Health & Safety so a refreshing change from any event you are able to experience in the UK!  We watched the gathering of what seemed to be eleventy billion Moors in the square first - all young men, many of whom had been enjoying quite a lot of alcohol beforehand which might have been a recipe for disaster in UK but not here.  You could practically smell the testosterone as they fired themselves up but we didn't see any fights or trouble whatsoever.  I had thought that being a Moor ie. a 'baddie' would be less popular, but it seems that being a Moor is what all the young men choose as it gives them a chance to wear much more dramatic costumes, cover themselves in face and body paint and run riot, just like the pirates that the Moors in fact were and did.  A band with drums as the main instruments works it's way through the crowds of young men and every now and again everyone works themselves up into a frenzy, singing a sort of football chant type song and whirling their T-shirts around their heads.  This is when they're not throwing footballs or their friends around!  I saw some of them give their friend the 'bumps' which was fine the first time but the second time they got distracted unfortunately after they had let him go on his upward trajectory: his downward journey was therefore rather further than both he and certainly I, were expecting and he disappeared out of sight.  I could hardly watch but up he jumped to carry on the party, goodness knows how!  In any event, all the young men (and a very few brave young women) moved off to get kitted up in their colourful costumes and paint and we headed off for a good vantage point for the battle in the streets.

It was by now so hot and humid that we felt like we'd been swimming fully clothed but we found a good vantage point and waited.  The crowds gradually filled up around us and we people-watched as somewhat 'merry' Moors made their way to their start area.  Many of them were extraordinarily keen to kiss any young ladies they could find even if they were Christians, all in the interests of global solidarity and friendship I'm sure.  Older men and women + little children seemed to be dressed as Christians but women and children mostly watch from the sidelines which seems to be a wise move.  The lovely girls dressed as Christians behind us advised a German family to move further back as they had small children with them and they said it wasn't safe.  And as THEY were behind US we braced ourselves accordingly.  And, in due course, it all kicked off and along the street they came.   A lot of them.  The Moors with face and body paint sliding off them in the heat which gave them a certain scary authenticity.  A number of older male Christians (thankfully not the testosterone and alcohol fuelled young Moors!) were noisily firing shotgun blanks at regular intervals and the cartridge cases were dropping everywhere, including one on me.  Near us they also fired a canon several times so loudly that the ground shook and my fillings rattled in my head.  And, in due course, we found that the girls behind us weren't joking - I held on to a metal railing next to me for dear life as the crowds all surged and I'm very tall and perfectly fit.  So if you are lucky enough to be in Pollensa for this festival and have mobility issues or younger children with you, we would strongly advise you to stand well back!  But don't let it stop you, it really is a great spectacle.  The whole event ends in a battle on the local football field but we were so hot we headed home.  That part can wait for another year!

As I type, it's 31st August and we can hardly believe that tomorrow is September and the month we arrived here a year ago.  It seems that time has flown.  I'm heading back to the UK for a few days for the first time on 8th September, so it will be interesting to see how it feels being a visitor to the UK rather than a resident.  I suspect it will seem rather chilly plus I will have to wear jeans for the first time in four months 😱  ¡Hasta luego!

Scorchio!

Hot and bothered?  Well yes I am actually since you ask.  But we stubbornly refuse to use our air-conditioning partly due to cost and partly because it feels even hotter outside if you use it.  Our concession to the heat is to use an electric fan.  I've also taken to using a hand fan in the manner of a Spanish señora and my goodness it's handy!  In any event, our digital thermometer is saying 36 degrees C at the moment - that's in the shade, and I'm told we are rejoicing in a rather soggy 67% humidity.  As a result we now shower on a regular basis - by which I mean 3-4 times a day.  The other day we were soooo hot and walked out of our apartment, round the corner and a few hundred yards to the beach and walked straight into the sea, discarding our clothes Reginald Perrin style as we went (don't worry, we had put on our swim things first!) and just wallowed for about 45 minutes.  Heaven!

It is very often when I'm floating around in the sea, doing nothing very much in particular, that I reflect on how lucky we are. Many of the people on the beach are tourists enjoying their hard-earned week or two in the sun and it seems surreal that we actually live here.  

A couple of weeks' ago was the Fiesta de la Virgin de Carmen (patron saint of the sea) and as a fishing port this is an important one here.  There is a week of activities and entertainments including an all night disco party in the square on the first Saturday followed by another one a week later on the beach just in case we all weren't still recovering from the first one!  The next day is a parade of devils from the church in the square down to the beach near La Gola.  The devils pour out of the church from behind the railings flailing huge catherine wheel sparklers around their heads which spit forth some pretty spectacular sparks.  En route they also trigger off rows of fireworks strung across the route at intervals.  It's pretty lively stuff!  The noise is tremendous as the whirling sparklers scream as they go round .  Once at the beach there was one of the best and noisiest fireworks displays we've ever seen.  Our delicate little British eardrums took several hours to recover!

This week is La Patrona festival in Pollensa old town, more commonly known as the Moors and Christians.  This takes place tonight so more about it in our next blog post but Monday night was the White Party where everyone dresses in - oh go on, take a wild guess - and then dances to an 80's disco party in the Plaza Major until dawn.  Are you spotting a common theme here?  Yup, the Spanish know how to partaaaay and go dancing BIG time!  And if you're a certain age there's nothing like re-visiting the days of your youth as myself and two friends did, and singing along to 'I Will Survive' complete with flamboyant gestures to match the words to the gobsmacked amusement of young locals.  I suspect that we may feature on some embarrassing social media pics/videos but what we don't see won't hurt us!

Finally, here are some other random observations on life over here:
1) Cold showers are a thing of joy and beauty - and those are words I never thought I'd type believe me!
2) We now watch the Spanish TV weather forecast and look eagerly for any sign of rain, the polar opposite in fact of how we used to view the UK forecast.
3) Drivers are VERY impatient out here, easily rivalling a stressed business person on the M25.  If someone stops momentarily for what is perceived an unnecessary reason such as politely letting someone turn across the line of traffic, a cacophony of horns ensues.  
4) Drivers see yellow lines, corners and pedestrian crossings as a fair enough place to park if they have a errand to run at that location.  If this causes chaos such as preventing others, often coaches, from getting by then a cacophony...(see 3) above).  This will in no way actually encourage the miscreant to break even into a gentle jog back to their car despite the fact they can see their vehicle has caused gridlock.  They seem oblivious, and carry on as if nothing was happening (or not, so to speak).
5) Make up - ladies, living out here you will save money on cosmetics believe me!  If you wear much it will gradually slide down your face by mid-morning and this is never an attractive look, trust me.  I've given up on looking vaguely matte and have decided that shiny is much more attractive 😬 no really, very shiny or even 'wet', with damp frizzy hair is definitely the way forward.  It is.  Definitely. 

Wish us luck as we leave soon for Pollensa old town and the Moors and Christians battle re-enactment.  We stand a good chance of being trampled underfoot apparently so we'll need it!

Ship ahoy and all things nautical!

Well not a ship exactly, more of a 5m day boat, but 'boat ahoy' just doesn't have the same ring about it does it?  In any event, we are now proud boat owners and on a steep nautical learning curve.

So, after several months for the purchase (remember, this is Spain so nothing happens quickly) we got our day motor boat back to Puerto Pollensa from the other side of the island thanks to some very kind friends with a car in possession of a much sought after tow bar.  Tow bars in Spain must be factory or dealer fitted and therefore most cars don't have them as it's not as simple as it is in the UK.  Anyhow, we got our boat back here following negotiation with 'el jefe' in the Port Authorities office to ensure a boat/trailer parking space.  I say negotiation but in reality it was more of a cap-doffing humble request, but we must have been suitably respectful as we secured our 'berth' (note my use of a nautical term term there!).  Over the next few days Ian did some minor work on her including anti-fouling.  Now this term is not unfamiliar to us, given our dog-owning status and the fact that we take anti-fouling measures every day courtesy of a poop bag, but in nautical terms this means treating the hull (ooh, check me out!) i.e. the body of the boat, below the waterline and after it has been thoroughly cleaned, with a paint which slows the growth of subaquatic organisms that attach to the hull whilst the boat is in the water.  Was it wrong to be girlishly pleased there is a modest range of colours?  Probably, but anyhow, blue anti-foul was duly applied - next step, get her in the water.

I will draw a veil over the stresses and strains (quite literally) of getting a mooring sorted but in due course and thanks to a couple of amazing genuinely nautical friends, we got her out and onto the buoy marking the mooring.  And so it came to pass that, on a quiet morning we took to the water from the dinghy jetty where we have one of the little inflatables and headed out.  We managed to successfully draw alongside and get from one to the other.  I'm quite handy with knots as an ex-scout leader and climbing instructor but it did take me a bit of time to get acquainted with detaching and re-attaching us from the buoy safely, not to mention transferring the dinghy (or tender as we nautical types call it) onto the buoy in our absence but we managed.  We made a successful maiden voyage and also managed to get back onto the mooring first time.  Subsequent trips have all been a learning experience including our first time dropping anchor - out in what's known as Chicken Bay, or by La Fortaleza if you want to impress people.  Once successfully anchored we did then wonder what we would do if we couldn't raise the anchor successfully(!), but in fact we managed like pros.

However.....and there has to be a however as this is Spain after all.....last week the Port Authorities put out the large yellow swimming marker buoys to mark out the swimming area from the marina parallel-ish to Pine Walk.  And, this being Spain, they put them twice as far out as ever before (I mean who really comes to PP to go on a marathon swim?!) and our boat was right on the 'line'.  Many boats were much further inside the line than us but anyhow, we have been told by a number of people that this means the authorities can impound our boat in due course.  Others have said it just means we can't use our engine inside the line but precisely because this is Spain and we have been unable to establish the facts, we have only today moved (don't ask!) 400kg of blocks 10m along the sea-bed.  No really, don't ask!

In other news it has been incredibly hot here earlier than usual with temperatures recently up into the late 30's!  Even the Mallorquins have commented on the heat so you know you're not just being a sissy Brit.  In any event we have learned rapidly how to live in consistently high, not to mention humid, heat.  During the middle of the day when it's hottest all the locals, unless they're working, vanish from sight and only those on holiday tend to be out. But we are adapting and are resolute in our determination not to use air-conditioning, partly due to the cost of electricity and partly because it just makes going outside even harder.  

Finally, speaking of electricity, we returned to the dreaded Endesa office in Inca in order to change our address with them.  We don't scare easily!  After an hour and three quarters spent waiting for our turn in a premises that seemingly agrees with our view of air-conditioning i.e. it wasn't in use, we dragged our melting bodies over to the world weary young girl for our five minutes of her undivided attention after she had spent comfortably 25 minutes seemingly passing the time of day with an elderly lady.  We now bring every official document and piece of paper we possess to do the simplest of things, even something as simple as a change of address.  Good job because she required a copy of much of it including the guarantee for our kettle - just kidding but not far off! - and we emerged battle weary but triumphant following two mind-numbing hours of our lives we'll never get back.  A spot of retail therapy at Jysk home store nearby I hear you cry?  Why yes, let's!  Only it was closed for stock-taking.  We went home.  Not our most productive day.

Hasta luego amigos!

Spanish life seven months in 😎

¡Hola todos! So how are we doing now that we're seven months into our new life?  Pretty good actually!  Also very busy, hence the delay in this next blog posting but better late than never I guess.

So now that we're very settled in Mallorca I thought I'd share with you some (very!) random observations of life out here.  So, in no particular order:

• never use a loo in a cafe/restaurant without first establishing where the light switch is.  Many toilets are internal with no windows and many switches out here operate on a push button or similar timer of challengingly short duration.  So do not do as my "friend" has done and smile politely at the lady leaving the loo as you enter it, 'settle' (ahem) and then be plunged into darkness the like of which you thought only existed underground.  You will be left blindly groping round the walls whilst trying to finish what you've started, a problem further exacerbated if you have had a few tipples.  Quite why it should be so important to continue said activity in the light I am none too sure, but it seems instinctive to immediately panic - or so my "friend" tells me.  So take a tip from me (oh go on then, you guessed it!) and identify the switch location and if you are really switched on - do you see what I did there? - push or reactivate the switch so that you get the full 30 seconds the proprietor feels you need to complete the task.
• if you arrange for a delivery of a parcel out here by any delivery firm whatsoever, you will very likely receive a text or some other notification of approximate delivery day and possibly even a time.  You will, however, be out at that time.  No really, you will.  You can stay in all day, ears aquiver to the slightest noise at your front door or for your apartment buzzer.  But you will hear nothing.  This seems to be because a specially trained team of Spanish delivery ninjas (and this includes Correos, the Spanish Royal Mail) will silently leave a hugely regretful notification that you were very sadly out when they called and you will have to rearrange delivery, in fluent and rapid Spanish, or trek to a delivery depot or the Post Office to collect said parcel.  One particular delivery firm doesn't even do the ninja notification - they just send you a text telling you you were out.  It happened to me once when I was looking down at the empty road from our apartment at the exact time they said they had unfortunately found me absent.  On the bright side, you have to REALLY want whatever it is you're ordering so you never know, you may save some money.
• try not to move home.  We moved to a new apartment in the centre of town which is wonderful but if you have residencia and wish to do things legally - and I mean really who wouldn't 😉 it will involve minimally a trip to the town hall to change address on the empadronamiento and a trip to Oficina de Extranjeria in Palma to do the same.  If you have a Spanish driving licence as we now do, that will also involve a trip to Tráfico  in Palma.  All of these quite naturally mean attendance in person, complete with passport, proof of this, proof of that, in fact every important document you have ever possessed including your certificate for winning the egg and spoon in Year 5, and lots of wonderful form-filling.  And just to motivate you even further, the ones in Palma can only be done by prior appointment.  Tráfico have a pretty sexy little website that books appointments rather like the DVLA one in the UK for tests etc but the idea of being able to just easily let them know that you have changed address as in the UK seems to have passed them by.  So an appointment in person, complete with passport (have I mentioned that already?) - well you get the general drift.  
• summer here starts on 40th May - who knew?!  Actually this is the quaint way the locals say that the proper summer weather starts on 10th June - yes I know that May has 31 days and therefore logic (or pedantry, take your pick) says this should be 9th June but if you're as sad as I am you'll have to learn to live with it.
• if you life depends on a fast and reliable internet, life here may not be for you.  If you're not technically minded please just skim past the next few lines, but in the last couple of days we have found our download/upload speed to be around 0.3mbps which, take it from me makes a lazy snail on Prozac look rapid.  We use it for social media but also, like many of us, for Skype calls and the TV.  And we have watched our Skype/TV picture buffering in a way that gives a whole new meaning to one of the dictionary definitions "...a thing....that forms a barrier between antagonistic people or things" because if it does so very many more times it's a toss up as to which one of us will demonstrate just how antagonistic it is possible to get.  Still, we're currently keeping our provider's ADSL technicians ever so busy whilst they try to figure it out.  In case you're thinking this is just our problem, nope, many locals have had internet problems just recently in much the same vein so do bear this in mind if this is vital to you.
• subjects that will definitely engage you in what might loosely be called 'lively debate' with people who live here are - cyclists (most contentious by a long way), buses and dog poo.  This may, or may not, be your idea of fun  but you have been warned.

In other news..... our boat is almost ready to launch so will feature in our next blog post..... and during the long (3 month) school summer holiday I will be working as an Airport Representative on Fridays so if you see me on arrival at Palma (near Gate C and wearing navy and white), say hi 😃

¡Salud y hasta luego!