Scorchio!

Hot and bothered?  Well yes I am actually since you ask.  But we stubbornly refuse to use our air-conditioning partly due to cost and partly because it feels even hotter outside if you use it.  Our concession to the heat is to use an electric fan.  I've also taken to using a hand fan in the manner of a Spanish señora and my goodness it's handy!  In any event, our digital thermometer is saying 36 degrees C at the moment - that's in the shade, and I'm told we are rejoicing in a rather soggy 67% humidity.  As a result we now shower on a regular basis - by which I mean 3-4 times a day.  The other day we were soooo hot and walked out of our apartment, round the corner and a few hundred yards to the beach and walked straight into the sea, discarding our clothes Reginald Perrin style as we went (don't worry, we had put on our swim things first!) and just wallowed for about 45 minutes.  Heaven!

It is very often when I'm floating around in the sea, doing nothing very much in particular, that I reflect on how lucky we are. Many of the people on the beach are tourists enjoying their hard-earned week or two in the sun and it seems surreal that we actually live here.  

A couple of weeks' ago was the Fiesta de la Virgin de Carmen (patron saint of the sea) and as a fishing port this is an important one here.  There is a week of activities and entertainments including an all night disco party in the square on the first Saturday followed by another one a week later on the beach just in case we all weren't still recovering from the first one!  The next day is a parade of devils from the church in the square down to the beach near La Gola.  The devils pour out of the church from behind the railings flailing huge catherine wheel sparklers around their heads which spit forth some pretty spectacular sparks.  En route they also trigger off rows of fireworks strung across the route at intervals.  It's pretty lively stuff!  The noise is tremendous as the whirling sparklers scream as they go round .  Once at the beach there was one of the best and noisiest fireworks displays we've ever seen.  Our delicate little British eardrums took several hours to recover!

This week is La Patrona festival in Pollensa old town, more commonly known as the Moors and Christians.  This takes place tonight so more about it in our next blog post but Monday night was the White Party where everyone dresses in - oh go on, take a wild guess - and then dances to an 80's disco party in the Plaza Major until dawn.  Are you spotting a common theme here?  Yup, the Spanish know how to partaaaay and go dancing BIG time!  And if you're a certain age there's nothing like re-visiting the days of your youth as myself and two friends did, and singing along to 'I Will Survive' complete with flamboyant gestures to match the words to the gobsmacked amusement of young locals.  I suspect that we may feature on some embarrassing social media pics/videos but what we don't see won't hurt us!

Finally, here are some other random observations on life over here:
1) Cold showers are a thing of joy and beauty - and those are words I never thought I'd type believe me!
2) We now watch the Spanish TV weather forecast and look eagerly for any sign of rain, the polar opposite in fact of how we used to view the UK forecast.
3) Drivers are VERY impatient out here, easily rivalling a stressed business person on the M25.  If someone stops momentarily for what is perceived an unnecessary reason such as politely letting someone turn across the line of traffic, a cacophony of horns ensues.  
4) Drivers see yellow lines, corners and pedestrian crossings as a fair enough place to park if they have a errand to run at that location.  If this causes chaos such as preventing others, often coaches, from getting by then a cacophony...(see 3) above).  This will in no way actually encourage the miscreant to break even into a gentle jog back to their car despite the fact they can see their vehicle has caused gridlock.  They seem oblivious, and carry on as if nothing was happening (or not, so to speak).
5) Make up - ladies, living out here you will save money on cosmetics believe me!  If you wear much it will gradually slide down your face by mid-morning and this is never an attractive look, trust me.  I've given up on looking vaguely matte and have decided that shiny is much more attractive 😬 no really, very shiny or even 'wet', with damp frizzy hair is definitely the way forward.  It is.  Definitely. 

Wish us luck as we leave soon for Pollensa old town and the Moors and Christians battle re-enactment.  We stand a good chance of being trampled underfoot apparently so we'll need it!

Ship ahoy and all things nautical!

Well not a ship exactly, more of a 5m day boat, but 'boat ahoy' just doesn't have the same ring about it does it?  In any event, we are now proud boat owners and on a steep nautical learning curve.

So, after several months for the purchase (remember, this is Spain so nothing happens quickly) we got our day motor boat back to Puerto Pollensa from the other side of the island thanks to some very kind friends with a car in possession of a much sought after tow bar.  Tow bars in Spain must be factory or dealer fitted and therefore most cars don't have them as it's not as simple as it is in the UK.  Anyhow, we got our boat back here following negotiation with 'el jefe' in the Port Authorities office to ensure a boat/trailer parking space.  I say negotiation but in reality it was more of a cap-doffing humble request, but we must have been suitably respectful as we secured our 'berth' (note my use of a nautical term term there!).  Over the next few days Ian did some minor work on her including anti-fouling.  Now this term is not unfamiliar to us, given our dog-owning status and the fact that we take anti-fouling measures every day courtesy of a poop bag, but in nautical terms this means treating the hull (ooh, check me out!) i.e. the body of the boat, below the waterline and after it has been thoroughly cleaned, with a paint which slows the growth of subaquatic organisms that attach to the hull whilst the boat is in the water.  Was it wrong to be girlishly pleased there is a modest range of colours?  Probably, but anyhow, blue anti-foul was duly applied - next step, get her in the water.

I will draw a veil over the stresses and strains (quite literally) of getting a mooring sorted but in due course and thanks to a couple of amazing genuinely nautical friends, we got her out and onto the buoy marking the mooring.  And so it came to pass that, on a quiet morning we took to the water from the dinghy jetty where we have one of the little inflatables and headed out.  We managed to successfully draw alongside and get from one to the other.  I'm quite handy with knots as an ex-scout leader and climbing instructor but it did take me a bit of time to get acquainted with detaching and re-attaching us from the buoy safely, not to mention transferring the dinghy (or tender as we nautical types call it) onto the buoy in our absence but we managed.  We made a successful maiden voyage and also managed to get back onto the mooring first time.  Subsequent trips have all been a learning experience including our first time dropping anchor - out in what's known as Chicken Bay, or by La Fortaleza if you want to impress people.  Once successfully anchored we did then wonder what we would do if we couldn't raise the anchor successfully(!), but in fact we managed like pros.

However.....and there has to be a however as this is Spain after all.....last week the Port Authorities put out the large yellow swimming marker buoys to mark out the swimming area from the marina parallel-ish to Pine Walk.  And, this being Spain, they put them twice as far out as ever before (I mean who really comes to PP to go on a marathon swim?!) and our boat was right on the 'line'.  Many boats were much further inside the line than us but anyhow, we have been told by a number of people that this means the authorities can impound our boat in due course.  Others have said it just means we can't use our engine inside the line but precisely because this is Spain and we have been unable to establish the facts, we have only today moved (don't ask!) 400kg of blocks 10m along the sea-bed.  No really, don't ask!

In other news it has been incredibly hot here earlier than usual with temperatures recently up into the late 30's!  Even the Mallorquins have commented on the heat so you know you're not just being a sissy Brit.  In any event we have learned rapidly how to live in consistently high, not to mention humid, heat.  During the middle of the day when it's hottest all the locals, unless they're working, vanish from sight and only those on holiday tend to be out. But we are adapting and are resolute in our determination not to use air-conditioning, partly due to the cost of electricity and partly because it just makes going outside even harder.  

Finally, speaking of electricity, we returned to the dreaded Endesa office in Inca in order to change our address with them.  We don't scare easily!  After an hour and three quarters spent waiting for our turn in a premises that seemingly agrees with our view of air-conditioning i.e. it wasn't in use, we dragged our melting bodies over to the world weary young girl for our five minutes of her undivided attention after she had spent comfortably 25 minutes seemingly passing the time of day with an elderly lady.  We now bring every official document and piece of paper we possess to do the simplest of things, even something as simple as a change of address.  Good job because she required a copy of much of it including the guarantee for our kettle - just kidding but not far off! - and we emerged battle weary but triumphant following two mind-numbing hours of our lives we'll never get back.  A spot of retail therapy at Jysk home store nearby I hear you cry?  Why yes, let's!  Only it was closed for stock-taking.  We went home.  Not our most productive day.

Hasta luego amigos!

Spanish life seven months in 😎

¡Hola todos! So how are we doing now that we're seven months into our new life?  Pretty good actually!  Also very busy, hence the delay in this next blog posting but better late than never I guess.

So now that we're very settled in Mallorca I thought I'd share with you some (very!) random observations of life out here.  So, in no particular order:

• never use a loo in a cafe/restaurant without first establishing where the light switch is.  Many toilets are internal with no windows and many switches out here operate on a push button or similar timer of challengingly short duration.  So do not do as my "friend" has done and smile politely at the lady leaving the loo as you enter it, 'settle' (ahem) and then be plunged into darkness the like of which you thought only existed underground.  You will be left blindly groping round the walls whilst trying to finish what you've started, a problem further exacerbated if you have had a few tipples.  Quite why it should be so important to continue said activity in the light I am none too sure, but it seems instinctive to immediately panic - or so my "friend" tells me.  So take a tip from me (oh go on then, you guessed it!) and identify the switch location and if you are really switched on - do you see what I did there? - push or reactivate the switch so that you get the full 30 seconds the proprietor feels you need to complete the task.
• if you arrange for a delivery of a parcel out here by any delivery firm whatsoever, you will very likely receive a text or some other notification of approximate delivery day and possibly even a time.  You will, however, be out at that time.  No really, you will.  You can stay in all day, ears aquiver to the slightest noise at your front door or for your apartment buzzer.  But you will hear nothing.  This seems to be because a specially trained team of Spanish delivery ninjas (and this includes Correos, the Spanish Royal Mail) will silently leave a hugely regretful notification that you were very sadly out when they called and you will have to rearrange delivery, in fluent and rapid Spanish, or trek to a delivery depot or the Post Office to collect said parcel.  One particular delivery firm doesn't even do the ninja notification - they just send you a text telling you you were out.  It happened to me once when I was looking down at the empty road from our apartment at the exact time they said they had unfortunately found me absent.  On the bright side, you have to REALLY want whatever it is you're ordering so you never know, you may save some money.
• try not to move home.  We moved to a new apartment in the centre of town which is wonderful but if you have residencia and wish to do things legally - and I mean really who wouldn't 😉 it will involve minimally a trip to the town hall to change address on the empadronamiento and a trip to Oficina de Extranjeria in Palma to do the same.  If you have a Spanish driving licence as we now do, that will also involve a trip to Tráfico  in Palma.  All of these quite naturally mean attendance in person, complete with passport, proof of this, proof of that, in fact every important document you have ever possessed including your certificate for winning the egg and spoon in Year 5, and lots of wonderful form-filling.  And just to motivate you even further, the ones in Palma can only be done by prior appointment.  Tráfico have a pretty sexy little website that books appointments rather like the DVLA one in the UK for tests etc but the idea of being able to just easily let them know that you have changed address as in the UK seems to have passed them by.  So an appointment in person, complete with passport (have I mentioned that already?) - well you get the general drift.  
• summer here starts on 40th May - who knew?!  Actually this is the quaint way the locals say that the proper summer weather starts on 10th June - yes I know that May has 31 days and therefore logic (or pedantry, take your pick) says this should be 9th June but if you're as sad as I am you'll have to learn to live with it.
• if you life depends on a fast and reliable internet, life here may not be for you.  If you're not technically minded please just skim past the next few lines, but in the last couple of days we have found our download/upload speed to be around 0.3mbps which, take it from me makes a lazy snail on Prozac look rapid.  We use it for social media but also, like many of us, for Skype calls and the TV.  And we have watched our Skype/TV picture buffering in a way that gives a whole new meaning to one of the dictionary definitions "...a thing....that forms a barrier between antagonistic people or things" because if it does so very many more times it's a toss up as to which one of us will demonstrate just how antagonistic it is possible to get.  Still, we're currently keeping our provider's ADSL technicians ever so busy whilst they try to figure it out.  In case you're thinking this is just our problem, nope, many locals have had internet problems just recently in much the same vein so do bear this in mind if this is vital to you.
• subjects that will definitely engage you in what might loosely be called 'lively debate' with people who live here are - cyclists (most contentious by a long way), buses and dog poo.  This may, or may not, be your idea of fun  but you have been warned.

In other news..... our boat is almost ready to launch so will feature in our next blog post..... and during the long (3 month) school summer holiday I will be working as an Airport Representative on Fridays so if you see me on arrival at Palma (near Gate C and wearing navy and white), say hi 😃

¡Salud y hasta luego! 

Rain, wind and processionary caterpillars

Well it's certainly been an eventful winter weatherwise so far!  As you may be aware from posts on Facebook groups etc, the winter weather has been quite spectacularly extreme with some locals telling us it hadn't been that consistently bad for 30 years.  In the last very few weeks we have had storms, VERY high winds, hail, driving rain for hour after hour and for around 2-3 weeks in January it was really cold too.  This is not the best fun in unheated accommodation that has been built principally to keep the occupants cool!  For some days I actually sat with a hot water bottle on my lap in addition to warm clothing and a heater.

In case you missed it, this picture gives you an idea - that is the terrace at the Illa d'Or!  A lot of damage was done to parts of Pine Walk, the beaches were covered with seaweed several feet deep and a number of boats worked loose and ended up beached or sunk.  

Another thing to adjust to is the damp.  The condensation on the inside of the balcony doors of our bedroom is incredible and on many mornings I get 100ml of water sucked up by the Karcher window attachment.  Mould grows incredibly quickly here and re-starts within a day or two of washing down an affected wall with bleach.  We have found some walls more susceptible than others and to always outside walls.  Behind pictures seems to be a favourite place and we nearly had a much loved stretched canvas picture ruined.

And processionary caterpillars!  These are laid by moths (who only live for a day or so, so I wonder why they bother!!) and form large nests in pine trees which look like a giant cotton wool spun cocoon.  When they hatch the little fellas march in procession down the tree trunk and across the ground in what seems like one long unbroken snake.  They then burrow into the ground for the next stage in their lifecycle.  They are hairy and it is the hairs that are the problem.  To humans they cause serious reactions including a rash and respiratory problems with children, the sick and elderly most at risk.  But it is very dangerous and can be fatal to dogs and other animals who often lick their paws where the hairs cause itching and this then transfers to the animals tongue with obviously very serious implications.  So currently we are somewhat paranoid and over-protective about our two dogs who are being kept very strictly on their leads.  

This all sounds like a catalogue of woes but the reason I mention them is this - for many of us, the Port (and Mallorca) are our little piece of paradise on earth and to an extent we place it/them on a pedestal.   We idealise them so to speak.  And having lived here now for over five months, despite being here for a week or so in Dec/Jan on many occasions, nothing could quite have prepared us for the admittedly extreme winter we have experienced.  So if you want to live in a place that you adore, be aware that you may struggle to still view it in quite the same light once the reality of everyday living hits you.

We have been lucky enough to meet in person one or two people previously 'met' on Facebook which has been wonderful :-)  Sometimes we have been told we are 'brave' to do what we have done.  We don't see it that way at all.  If we didn't feel the benefits of doing so outweighed those not to do so, we wouldn't have done it.  But there are times when you have to 'tough it out' despite all the careful planning and realistic expectations.  We feel you need to give yourself a full year to confirm if you've made the right decision.

Overall, you need to really want and be fully committed to making any move.  You need to be very realistic - daily life is daily life even if it is in a warmer climate - and give yourself time.  If keeping your perfect piece of paradise on earth as your 'go to' happy place is the priority then living here might be more of a challenge than you bargained for! 

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Well it's been a while but then again, we've been pretty busy!  We thought we'd moved out here for a quieter life but seem to have been just as busy here albeit in a different way: I guess if you want something doing, ask a busy person!

Since our last posting in November we have got our residencias, applied for Spanish driving licences and re-registered our car in Spain.  We've also registered on the padron and at the local health centre as, due to my job which makes me a Spanish tax payer, I'm entitled to the Spanish equivalent of the NHS and was able to also register Ian as my dependant.  So we're pretty much 'converted' to Spain whichever way you look at it.  Technically you can live here for 6 months before you should apply for residencia if you intend to spend more than half the year in Spain but we felt we'd get this out the way, particularly in view of Brexit.  All these issues involved, in true Spanish style, a very great deal of paperwork and the need to speak Spanish so we paid for help for it all which was worth every single penny....sorry I mean cent!

Our first ITV - MOT in UK - was quite an experience.  If you are unaware, in Spain you turn up at a particular time at the test centre and drive your car through the test procedure unlike in the UK.  Any car from another country registering in Spain has to get it's first ITV beforehand to ensure it complies with requirements.  So at the allotted time we turned up to a huge queue of cars - we were at the Palma test centre as this is where the person organising it all for us is based but in future we will attend in Inca.  They moved things along quite rapidly into four smaller queues and then the process started.  This is all very well if you understand the Spanish instructions but we managed and in fact it was fascinating and made us wonder why the UK doesn't organise things in the same way.  It's very thorough and our old Honda passed easily thanks to Ian's careful prep of it (he's a trained car mechanic and was in the business for years) so we now proudly sport a Spanish number plate.  

In line with this we've submitted our UK driving licences for conversion to Spanish ones.  The rules are that you can drive on a UK licence here for two years, thereafter you must apply for a Spanish licence.  If you forget and the police stop you, the fine is considerable albeit they'd have to prove how long you'd been living in Spain.  We didn't want to risk a hefty fine and are here to stay so just cracked on with getting everything done.  As our UK licences had plenty of years left to run on them we didn't have to undergo the simple medical that is a requirement of renewal here so it really has been pretty simple.  

Other than this life has progressed well, my job is great and we've settled into Port life very happily.  As I type we have our Christmas tree all lit up, wreath on the door, cards up but the advantage of the sun shining outside.  We spent Christmas Day with friends where we had a classic Christmas dinner.  The weather has been lovely and this picture was taken on Christmas Day.  

We recently had three days of truly appalling weather though with a never-ending storm - high winds, heavy rain - when Mallorca does bad weather it really does it properly!  The weather in the UK was better than here other than temperature so hey ho.  But today we're back to gorgeous sun and blue skies with many days ahead forecast like this so we're back to where we like it.  Thankfully we had this lovely weather when Ian's son and his wife were out a couple of weeks ago.  It was glorious weather and we ate some wonderful food at Brisa Marina just before it closed and also at El Moli in Pollensa.  We can highly recommend both.  El Moli is open year round (Sundays and festival days in winter), with a classic Mallorcan menu del dia for 16€ pp.

We had a trip into Palma to see the Christmas lights and to the Christmas markets there; if you're in Mallorca at this time of year it's well worth an evening out although we felt quite the country bumpkins going to see the 'bright lights, big city'.

One lovely thing is that in the last few weeks we have met a number of people who we hadn't previously met but are friends on Facebook.  It has been lovely to put real faces to names and hopefully we will meet more in due course.  A lot of people have recognised us due to our two dogs so we're being upstaged by two Lhasa Apsos!

Anyway, both of us (not to mention the dogs) would like to wish everyone a belated Merry Christmas and a wonderful and healthy 2017.

Settling in to everyday life

Life in the Port is beginning to settle down although we have been very busy during the last few weeks, in fact Ian says he's been busier here than he was in the last couple of months in the UK!  This has been a salutary reminder to us that this is 'real life' now and not a holiday.

Ian has been working on our apartment and looking for storage for all his tools. It is really difficult to find lock-up storage/garages etc in the Port for any sensible rental but thanks to a couple of wonderful friends he has managed to do so which is a great relief.  He's also ferried me around to a hospital check-up following my stay there last month, to the doctor's for a bad ear infection and to the dentist to have a wisdom tooth removed!  I seem to be a walking medical disaster at the moment and he has waited patiently at all these places with me and it's all taken time.  You would think that we would have plenty of time on our hands but we really haven't and still seem to have a list of things to do.  I guess if you're a busy person this is unlikely to change really radically even if you do relocate; we all dream of 'doing nothing' but if your personality tends to being a 'doer' then somehow you still find things that need doing!  Speaking of which, Ian wishes mosquitoes and other flying bite-y things would also 'do one' as he has been practically eaten alive by them.  I on the other hand have barely been touched by them and suspect that the vast amounts of antibiotics I've had to take over the last few weeks makes me taste like the human equivalent of a witchetty grub on "I'm a Celebrity....".  A small but important triumph from my perspective.

In other news..... I have found a job :-)  I have started as an English teacher at the N1 Language School in the Port and absolutely love it.  I am so lucky to have found a job I love doing with such a great team and look forward to many years there.  I commute by bicycle (no train strikes and rush hour for me!) and now that I am gainfully employed and a taxpayer in Spain, I also get a health card to access healthcare at the local health centre no need to use the EHIC card.  We hadn't known this would be the case so that was a nice surprise!

In terms of life in general at this time of year, we've watched as gradually everywhere in the Port has shut down from the last weekend in October.  One minute you walk past somewhere serving food/drinks with candles lit and looking lovely and then, within a matter of days, everything is inside and shut up for the winter.  What has interested us is how many places are still open including the Illa D'Or although we suspect that these will be closed by mid-November.  But watching the Port settle down for the winter has actually been interesting and we've watched the locals (which now includes us!) reclaim the town as their own so to speak.  The weather is definitely cooler now, we have had some rain (which was much needed) and yesterday evening it was so windy I was quite worried when Ian took the dogs out for their evening toilet walk.  We went up to the Talaia d'Albercutx recently and took some pictures including some of the Port when the sky is less than blue and the sun struggles to get through - if you live in the UK this is probably ringing a bell!

Sometimes it's warmer outside on our balcony than it is inside the apartment and we have invested in a gas heater in readiness for cold evenings.  Bottled gas heats an apartment extremely cheaply compared to anything electric - and yes, we are well aware to ensure adequate ventilation!  In any event, it's hard to know quite what to wear as one minute it's in the early 20 degrees and the next the late teens and a chill wind.  But we were well aware that the sun doesn't always shine and we still love living here.  

"So far, so good" I think would be a good way to sum up living here. But it definitely feels like home and that can only be a good thing :-D

Not quite the start we had hoped for!

Sorry for the lack of blog posts lately but as many of you will be aware via Facebook, I was admitted to hospital late on 5th October with what turned out to be gall-stones and a gall-bladder infection.  We are philosophical about it - clearly was going to happen sooner or later - and in fact I received fantastic care :-)  So these are some thoughts on what it's like when things take you by surprise health-wise in Mallorca.

First it might be useful to point out that we took out an annual health insurance policy for those living in Spain (different to a travel insurance one) in early August before we left UK.  But TOP TIP: beware the small print!  The policy turned out not to cover overnight stays until we have lived in Spain for 6 months (and in some cases apparently some policies stipulate 12 months!!).  They would do so for an emergency but they classify e.g. a broken leg as an emergency; crying out in pain from an internal infection which needs serious treatment apparently is not. So we had headed to the private Juaneda hospital in Alcudia where I received immediate pain relief and diagnosis and then had to wait for an ambulance to transfer me to Hospital Comercal d'Inca for treatment on my EHIC card.  The private health policy did agree to pay for the medication I received in Alcudia, we paid for the overnight stay.

I stayed at Inca from 6th - 13th October and can totally vouch for the medical care in Spain (and at the private hospital).  The staff are friendly, efficient and reassuring (more about this shortly) and tests are immediately implemented.  I don't want this post to be a moan about the NHS as this is not the forum but suffice it to say that I am genuinely glad that if this was going to happen, that it happened here.  I will merely contrast myself with a friend with the same problem but in UK.  I was kept in on all manner of drips and a very carefully developed and monitored diet until they were absolutely sure the infection had gone.  I was discharged on the 8th day with an out-patient appointment at which time I will receive a date to return for an operation to remove my gall-bladder by keyhole surgery when I will apparently be in for one, possibly two nights.  My UK friend (with no other adult in the home) was discharged after 3 days, still in pain.  Unimpressed GP.  She returned to A&E twice before finally they gave her a date as a day case.  I mention this not to knock the NHS as much as reassure anyone who might require medical care in Spain as it is very good indeed and a nursing friend who visited commented on the cleanliness of the hospital.  However if you are cared for in the Spanish public sector be prepared for the fact that not a great deal of English is spoken.  Some doctors had some English, a few nurses had a little English and everyone is reassuring.  But TOP TIP: you will find the whole experience a lot easier if you either speak some Spanish yourself or have someone with you who can.  It's not so much communication about the major things like treatment, it's the everyday things that the healthcare assistants deal with as well as communication with other patients that I mean.  My Spanish was greatly improved by the experience (every cloud and all that!) due to total immersion and the need to survive so it actually did me a great deal of good.

Overall, whilst this was obviously not a pleasant thing to happen, it in no way made me wish I was in UK.  On the contrary, I felt more at home here than ever :-)

So that's the 'serious' part of this posting over.  But I thought I would share with you my experience of being in a Spanish hospital.

Inca Hospital patients stay in two bed rooms off a main corridor, same gender in a room.  Each room has a TV, two wardrobes and an en-suite shower room.  Rooms also have a door out to a large garden where patients can sit outside, smoke etc.  To use the TV you buy a 'tarjeta' and insert in a slot below the TV, but there are no headphones.  At Inca visiting hours are all day/night, as many as you like.  Yes, I really do mean this!  During my stay I was visited twice a day by Ian, who had to travel back and forth to the Port to see to the dogs, and twice by two friends.  

My first 'roomie', let's call her 'D', was an elderly lady but had no mobility or care issues.  She was sturdy and squat, spoke with a very deep, gravelly voice and in many ways straight out of casting as a matriarch in "The Sopranos".  Although she and her family spoke Spanish rather than Catalan, she was very hard to understand and was also slightly deaf and she gave up on communicating with me after about two minutes.  Her relatives seemed to consist of roughly one quarter the population of Mallorca and visited from about 8am to 10pm - mercifully I was spared the experience of a friend whose 'roomie' was brought some tasty food at 1am by some relatives.  Her visitors filled both patient chairs and most of the room and I was almost expecting to be asked if they could sit on my bed too although to be fair that might have been a step too far as many of them behaved as if I simply didn't exist.  Late Thursday to the Saturday demonstrated that not only are Spanish hospitals very noisy places in general due to chatter but that my room was an extremely noisy place.  When I was obviously trying to sleep the chatter just went on and one and on.....  I had also naively thought that an elderly lady may not have/use a mobile phone - how wrong I was!  She had two, and used them frequently, not to receive many calls but to make hundreds, especially when she had no visitors and heaven forbid we might have a little quiet for a while.  I wondered if she was in fact a crime cartel matriarch giving orders from afar - she certainly looked the part.  In addition 'D' had really quite epic flatulence which enlivened even those rare quieter moments.   

Things took a turn for the worse in international relations on the Sunday though.  I emerged from the bathroom in the morning to the joys of full Sunday mass on the TV courtesy of a 'tarjeta' that one of her relatives had thoughtfully purchased.  I have no objections to religion, and indeed was brought up a Catholic, but to be honest it was something I could have done without.  However in the interests of international relations I felt this was a small matter and let it be although the sound was quite loud.  Unfortunately from here on things went downhill rapidly.  Having now gained access to a remote control, 'D' insisted on having the TV on at an increasing volume pretty much all day.  This combined with her hordes of visitors all talking non-stop meant I got very little rest as I retreated into stereotypically stoic British mode and tried to blank out the noise.  Having had four children I am probably better able to tune out that many people and made it through to the evening.  I should say at this point that 'D', in addition to the thoughtlessness, flatulence and deafness, was an Olympic standard champion TV channel hopper.  Never one to actually watch a programme in full (which would at least have been something) she changed channel every few minutes.  And at 9.30pm she started a marathon session of this AND AT DECIBELS WHICH MUST HAVE BEEN HEARD throughout the entire ward and very probably further.  This was in conjunction with her other habit of turning on the lights exactly when she wanted and then not turning them off again so that I had to heave myself plus drip stand out of bed to go and do so.  So I lay there, clearly trying to sleep and plotting ways that I would cheerfully do away with her, with all lights blazing and the TV blaring and changing channels all the while. I came up with some quite creative ways that I would do the evil deed, one of which involved my drips and the handy plastic tubes.....  Eventually, after seething for an hour during which time I seriously questioned how anyone, of any age and any nationality could be quite so selfish, I plotted my revenge.  She was now tucked up in bed and unlikely to want to move.  And I really did need a quick visit to el bano (sorry, no Spanish keyboard if you're a stickler for language accuracy!) sooooo.....on leaving the en-suite I turned off all the lights and shuffled in triumph back past her bed not daring to catch her eye, and got back into bed.  Despite the VERY LOUD TV, you could have heard the proverbial pin drop.  I held my breath.  And then - the TV was turned off!  Cue partying, high-fiving and general whooping inside my head.  Honour restored I finally fell asleep only to be woken shortly after by a nurse changing my drip.  But I didn't care, I had made my point!

The next day 'D' was discharged (never even said adios and probably there's a hit out on me now for the lights incident the night before) and I had a room to myself for a few hours.  However just as I started my dinner that evening, a nurse came to tell me I was moving rooms.  So I moved two doors down to share with yet another elderly lady (was Inca Hospital trying to tell me something I wonder?!).  But this time both she and her relatives couldn't have been lovelier.  They were all completely adorable, helpful, thoughtful, total sweethearts and a complete contrast to 'D' and entourage.  In Spanish hospitals, if your relative requires any personal or mobility care, it's up to the family to stay round the clock to provide that; this allows the nursing staff to do the medical side.  Can you imagine that in UK???  In any event the elderly lady 'M' was nursed round the clock by daughter 'G' who seemed to have the stamina of an ox and slept by her mother every night on the two chairs pushed together. She was certainly required and dealt with shall we say challenging personal care, sometimes in the middle of the night.  She had even brought her own cleaning things for the bathroom (the hospital cleaners told her off but I thought she was beyond magnificent as shall we say I wouldn't have been keen to wait until they cleaned the bathroom...).  This family spoke Catalan but were happy to communicate with me in Spanish, and acting when that failed.  By the time I left on the Thursday it was kisses all round and I would've taken them all home with me if I could!

Overall the hospital is very clean, efficient and well-run.  The food is hard to judge as I was on such a restricted diet but it was freshly cooked.  If you find yourself in hospital though (heaven forbid) and aren't keen on fish, best tell them early on as the diet majored on fish.  The one thing I did miss was a bowl of cereal for breakfast though.  Breakfast was a coffee and, once I was on the road to recovery, eg. a piece of bread, a slice of ham and some olive oil.  Not quite what my British tastebuds were hoping for but beggars can't be choosers!  But I guess I'll find out what a more normal diet is like there when I return to have my gall-bladder removed.  Honest view - bottom line is I'd rather be in a Spanish hospital than a UK one.  But all the same, I really do hope I don't need a hospital again for the foreseeable future once I've had my op.