Sunday 10 June 2018

Things are hotting up.....

Summer is nearly here again (well that's what the calendar says, although the weather can't seem to make it's mind up!) and time has slipped effortlessly by.  So much so that I haven't written since last year and thought it was about time I did an update on observations of life here in Mallorca.

 So first, the weather.  It's been a bit, well...... embarrassing lately what with the UK having some lovely days whilst here it's been grey, overcast and wet.  I mean who ever heard of a sunny and hot May bank holiday in the UK, never mind two?!  The locals though say that summer starts on May 40th.  Go on, think about it a bit........are you there yet?  They mean 9th or 10th June depending on how pedantic you want to be.  So Sunday is what I'm pinning my hopes on although currently there's a storm forecast......

 We've been living here now for 22 months so here are some more observations on life in Mallorca:

  •  If you're having an argument whilst driving - and let's face it who doesn't whilst trying to navigate to holiday accommodation in an unfamiliar car on the other side of the road with signage in another language after getting up at 2am for the red eye flight (not that this has ever happened to us...) - you could have your day enhanced by a fine of 80€.  The same amount will be applied if the driver is kissing a passenger - not something likely to happen in the above scenario 'tis true.  It will also apply if the driver is caught biting their nails which will only happen if the driver doesn't go where the navigator tells them..........!  And finally, using insulting hand gestures.  It's a good job this doesn't appear to apply to the navigator aimed at the driver but this will only happen if the driver doesn't go.......
  • Another driving fine is driving without wearing a shirt.  Apparently this could diminish the driver's capacity to control the vehicle.  I would imagine this could only apply if the guilty party was female but it wouldn't be her car that wasn't properly controlled.....
  • I think I've mentioned it before, but many toilets in cafes have a push button switch or movement sensor.  Beware, for this is a cruel joke on behalf of all cafe proprietors.  I was, shall we say, 'using the facilities' of a certain large cafe in the square here in PP and had been faced with a choice of a toilet that made an aircraft one look like an opportunity to practice a spot of freestyle dance, and one that, with a bit of luck and if a well behaved equine was to hand, was large enough to lunge a small pony in. Being close to 6' tall and not yet having mastered the ability to wee standing up facing in either direction, I not unreasonably opted for the large one.  Good choice.  Until about 15 seconds into the action when the light went out plunging me into total darkness.  Waving my arms in the air like I just didn't care wasn't going to help me as this was a push button switch and was about 15 foot away from me.  And I couldn't remember where exactly, just vaguely somewhere over to my right.  An added complication was that I hadn't properly located the loo roll either, just that there was one (there isn't always!).  Naturally it was necessary to finish what I started - cut me some slack, I've had 4 children! - and then to ponder my next move.  Which turned out to be - clutch your trousers so they don't hit the toilet floor (yuk!) at lower thigh level and scuttle in the general direction of the door hoping that you don't knock yourself out on it, also that you locked it properly in case someone reveals you in all you glory.  Still clutching said trousers with one hand, I felt around in the pitch darkness for the switch.  This took some time as the b*****ds turned out to have placed it at an unreasonably low level and about 4 foot away from the door.  I'm going to send this in to the Crystal Maze as a suggested task.  God help the team member who volunteers for it.
  • Lidl is not a reliable provider of baked beans.  There, I've said it.  Out and proud.  We do still like baked beans and until last winter you could buy perfectly good ones at Lidl.  And then they stopped.  No apology, nothing.  So we turned to Eroski, a bit more expensive but of the 57 variety and we know how to live the high life.  And then, they disappeared off the shelves and have never returned.  Is this as punishment for Brexit perhaps?  We have now found how to get them but it's through a secret source so if I told you I'd have to kill you. Normal service has been resumed.
  • Boats.  Lovely to be on.  Not lovely to own.  They say the best part about having a boat is when you buy it and when you sell it.  We can definitely confirm this to be the case.  We love ours but it's a constant source of worry mostly due to the weather but not exclusively.  The other day some thieving ******* decided they liked the look of our boat's brand new canopy and just unbolted and took it!  Mind you, going out on ours is a luxury that we never become complacent about and seeing this beautiful island's coast from the sea is just wonderful.  
    But boats are definitely a constant worry.  Even in the wee small hours of today three (so the reports say) boats caught fire in the marina.  This morning there are a few twisted bits of metal poking above the water and charred and blackened bits of boat all over the place with an overwhelming smell of fuel which is also all over the water.  Appalling for the owners and ecologically too.  All I can say is, good luck to the owners with their insurance claims - we have a boat claim (don't ask....no really, don't ask) in since September and it's still dragging on.  Insurance companies here are infamous for simply preferring that you would just go away and forget that your accident ever happened.  
In other news, I now do a radio show on Saturdays 1-3pm (12-2pm UK time).  From Nov to March I do the 3 hour Graham & Sarah Saturday Show with - you've guessed it! - Graham, but his work in the summer season means he's not available.  So I'm currently doing a shorter show solo.  If you've not heard of English Radio Pollensa then listen in on 107.9FM if you're in the wider Pollensa area or listen here:


 We have a Facebook page - look for "Graham and Sarah Saturday Show" and give us a like and/or follow and tune in.  It'd be great to have you along and you might win our weekly competition prize!  And if you want a request just let me know.  

 Hasta luego!  I pinkie promise I won't leave it so long next time 😎
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