So now that we're very settled in Mallorca I thought I'd share with you some (very!) random observations of life out here. So, in no particular order:
- never use a loo in a cafe/restaurant without first establishing where the light switch is. Many toilets are internal with no windows and many switches out here operate on a push button or similar timer of challengingly short duration. So do not do as my "friend" has done and smile politely at the lady leaving the loo as you enter it, 'settle' (ahem) and then be plunged into darkness the like of which you thought only existed underground. You will be left blindly groping round the walls whilst trying to finish what you've started, a problem further exacerbated if you have had a few tipples. Quite why it should be so important to continue said activity in the light I am none too sure, but it seems instinctive to immediately panic - or so my "friend" tells me. So take a tip from me (oh go on then, you guessed it!) and identify the switch location and if you are really switched on - do you see what I did there? - push or reactivate the switch so that you get the full 30 seconds the proprietor feels you need to complete the task.
- if you arrange for a delivery of a parcel out here by any delivery firm whatsoever, you will very likely receive a text or some other notification of approximate delivery day and possibly even a time. You will, however, be out at that time. No really, you will. You can stay in all day, ears aquiver to the slightest noise at your front door or for your apartment buzzer. But you will hear nothing. This seems to be because a specially trained team of Spanish delivery ninjas (and this includes Correos, the Spanish Royal Mail) will silently leave a hugely regretful notification that you were very sadly out when they called and you will have to rearrange delivery, in fluent and rapid Spanish, or trek to a delivery depot or the Post Office to collect said parcel. One particular delivery firm doesn't even do the ninja notification - they just send you a text telling you you were out. It happened to me once when I was looking down at the empty road from our apartment at the exact time they said they had unfortunately found me absent. On the bright side, you have to REALLY want whatever it is you're ordering so you never know, you may save some money.
- try not to move home. We moved to a new apartment in the centre of town which is wonderful but if you have residencia and wish to do things legally - and I mean really who wouldn't 😉 it will involve minimally a trip to the town hall to change address on the empadronamiento and a trip to Oficina de Extranjeria in Palma to do the same. If you have a Spanish driving licence as we now do, that will also involve a trip to Tráfico in Palma. All of these quite naturally mean attendance in person, complete with passport, proof of this, proof of that, in fact every important document you have ever possessed including your certificate for winning the egg and spoon in Year 5, and lots of wonderful form-filling. And just to motivate you even further, the ones in Palma can only be done by prior appointment. Tráfico have a pretty sexy little website that books appointments rather like the DVLA one in the UK for tests etc but the idea of being able to just easily let them know that you have changed address as in the UK seems to have passed them by. So an appointment in person, complete with passport (have I mentioned that already?) - well you get the general drift.
- summer here starts on 40th May - who knew?! Actually this is the quaint way the locals say that the proper summer weather starts on 10th June - yes I know that May has 31 days and therefore logic (or pedantry, take your pick) says this should be 9th June but if you're as sad as I am you'll have to learn to live with it.
- if you life depends on a fast and reliable internet, life here may not be for you. If you're not technically minded please just skim past the next few lines, but in the last couple of days we have found our download/upload speed to be around 0.3mbps which, take it from me makes a lazy snail on Prozac look rapid. We use it for social media but also, like many of us, for Skype calls and the TV. And we have watched our Skype/TV picture buffering in a way that gives a whole new meaning to one of the dictionary definitions "...a thing....that forms a barrier between antagonistic people or things" because if it does so very many more times it's a toss up as to which one of us will demonstrate just how antagonistic it is possible to get. Still, we're currently keeping our provider's ADSL technicians ever so busy whilst they try to figure it out. In case you're thinking this is just our problem, nope, many locals have had internet problems just recently in much the same vein so do bear this in mind if this is vital to you.
- subjects that will definitely engage you in what might loosely be called 'lively debate' with people who live here are - cyclists (most contentious by a long way), buses and dog poo. This may, or may not, be your idea of fun but you have been warned.
In other news..... our boat is almost ready to launch so will feature in our next blog post..... and during the long (3 month) school summer holiday I will be working as an Airport Representative on Fridays so if you see me on arrival at Palma (near Gate C and wearing navy and white), say hi 😃
¡Salud y hasta luego!
